by Amy Saunders
This is one of the most frequent questions asked by my clients, and there truly is no right time to divorce. However, I can tell you that the “waiting game” only makes matters worse–both financially and emotionally. First, if you have children, it is my belief that waiting until “the kids are older” only compounds the issues that children of divorce will ultimately face. The reality is that the children know that the marriage is in trouble–even if you are trying to keep a “happy front”. By staying in an unhealthy relationship, what does this convey to the children, as they will emulate your relationship in choosing their own. So if you can minimize the problems posed to the children, that should be a primary concern. Further, the longer the marriage, the more complicated the financial and property division becomes. Your attorney should be able to help you through this process.
Emotionally, I think every person knows deep down when is the right time to divorce. It really is an “aha” moment in which you know when is “the right time”. However, people tend to ignore this, and instead focus on the fear of the process in delaying any decision. I have many clients who meet with me for a consultation, and then elect to not divorce, only to come back years later for a divorce–wasting time and costing money.
Each person has to decide for themselves what is the right time–that is a personal decision each person needs to make. I can tell you, from watching all my clients, and from personal experience, that divorce is just an obstacle to overcome and that in the end there is a happiness waiting. I have yet to have a client regret getting a divorce.
When analyzing whether divorce is right for you, ask yourself whether:
- You believe you want your children to grow up and wind up in a relationship like your own
- Staying in the marriage has changed who you are, and who you want to be?
- Your partner has been faithful, and if this is something you can overcome without changing who you are?
- Your kids are being negatively affected by your relationship?
- You attempt to be anywhere but with your spouse?
- Your relationship lacks any intimacy?
- Making excuses for your partner has become routine?
- There is emotional or physical abuse at home?
- Being alone is better than being in your current relationship?
In the end , only you will know when it is right time to divorce.
